


Equity

by Seiberwing



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual/Nonasexual Relationship, Asexuality, M/M, Post-Coital Cuddling, Scars, Sexual References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:18:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12012582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seiberwing/pseuds/Seiberwing
Summary: Two-Face wants lovemaking to be equitable. Oswald wants Two-Face to understand that equitable doesn't mean equal distribution of orgasms.





	Equity

**Author's Note:**

> Asexuals negotiating relationships with non-asexuals is one of my hot jams. This is based on the Harvey and Oswald depicted by [harveydont](http://harveydont.tumblr.com) on tumblr, so the specific canon they're existing in is left ambigious.

“So you got us off.”

“Mhm.”

“Twice.”

“Mhm.”

“In a quite satisfactory way, obviously.”

“Of course.”

“And it’s hard to fake a smirk that smug, so clearly you’re enjoying yourself here.”

“Most certainly.”

“So you want to tell us why after all that you don’t even have your shirt off?”

“I’ll change into my nightclothes eventually, I’m not some animal.”

They were lounging against the overly ample comforter on Oswald’s bed, sharing a cigarette. There was a warm intimacy that came with passing it back and forth, the brief touch and withdrawal of fingertips before you set your lips to the place where your partner’s had just been. Oswald would call it erotic if he cared for that kind of thing.

Harvey had the scarred half of his face pressed to Oswald’s shoulder. As Oswald handed the cigarette back he turned away, tucking it between the right side of his mouth to take in a breath.

As Harvey smoked, Oswald idly surveyed his recently conquered tract of land. He’d left a few marks of his own over the course of the last hour, dark bruises against the scars and bright against the clean skin. Oswald liked the idea of them hiding under Harvey’s suit the next morning and made a note to ‘accidentally’ rub against the scratches when they went out to give him a fond reminder of the previous night.

The current state of Harvey’s two-toned suit was in a crumpled mess at the foot of the bed. His tie, the one that managed to be perfectly bisected once tied despite the laws of physics saying that the knot couldn’t be that neat without being a clip-on, was dangling from the lamp.

Oswald, meanwhile, had neatly hung up his jacket on the way into the bedroom, shucked off his shoes and not bothered to attend to any of the rest.

“You sure you don’t want us to return the favor?” asked Harvey. Light plumes of smoke flowed from his lips and through the gap in his cheek.

“No.”

“It just doesn’t seem…” Harvey lingered over the phrasing. His tongue ran over his teeth. “Fair,” he finished.

“Ah. Yes, fair.”

Everything was about fairness with Harvey, wasn’t it? First the fairness of the law, and then the fairness of the coin. Oswald wouldn’t be surprised if he flipped these days for what position he took in bed.

He shook his head lightly. “It wouldn’t be a favor. And don’t take it personally, it wouldn’t be a favor off anyone else either. I simply enjoy your company.”

“Like the company you get from those women I used to see hanging off your arm at every party we went to?”

“A man in my position is expected to have an accompaniment to those events. They were accessories, not partners, and they were handsomely compensated for the privilege of being such.” Well. There had been one or two that had become more than accessories, but they lay under a pile of bad memories and fractured hearts that Oswald had no desire to bring into this comfortable bed. He let his fingers trace the ridge of a scar on Harvey’s thigh. “Of course now I have much more pleasant company that doesn’t present me with a bill afterward and then clock out for the night.”

“All right, but that one time we sucked your dick in the bathroom at the gala for…some shit or other. Something art-related. What got you on board with that?”

Oswald took the cigarette back with an air of scalded dignity. “For one thing, the sustained pressure of far too many martinis on both sides of the situation. I would say 75% martinis, at the very least.” He drew in a long breath of soothing tobacco. Hadn’t they agreed they weren’t going to talk about that little encounter afterward? Rude, Harvey.

“Mmm, that still leaves 25% on the table. You’re a greedy bastard, Mr. Cobblepot. Wouldn’t expect you to leave that much just lying around.” His arm tightened around Oswald, an adoring indication of the fact that he was just as greedy.

Oswald rolled his fingers. “You really want to know?” He tightened his fingers around the edges of the cigarette.

“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

Oswald stroked the hair on the unscarred half of Harvey’s head. “It was 20% for the optics of the situation.”

“The…optics.” Harvey raised an eyebrow at him.

Oswald smirked. “You were still DA, and you spent a large chunk of your career screwing me over. I got a measure of satisfaction from getting to do it to you in return, however metaphorically.”

Harvey let out a barking, harsh laugh. “Now that’s fair enough.”

“And what about you? I very much doubt you were left desperate with lust at my Adonis-like properties.” At the time they’d been desperate to maintain their balance long enough to walk to the bathroom. After he’d sobered up Oswald had taken shameful solace in the fact that Harvey, in his stupor, at least hadn’t been so uncoordinated that he’d bitten the entire matter right off.”

“80% martinis,” Harvey asserted. “At least 80%.”

“All right, and the 20%?” Oswald let out a loud squawk as Harvey abruptly pinched his stomach, making him jerk half an inch off the bed. His arm lashed out and sunk its nails onto Harvey’s thigh as penance. Harvey let out a strangled groan of mixed pleasure and annoyance before his voice mellowed out into a chuckle at Oswald’s offended expression.

“Because we wanted to see if you’d make that noise when you came.”

“Really? That was it? What were you, twelve?” Oswald glared at him. Harvey continued to refuse to take responsibility for the situation.

“No, just drunk. A lot of stupid shit seems like a hilarious idea when you’re drunk.”

Oswald huffed and flopped back onto the bed. “Well?” he said after a grumpy pause. “Did I?”

“Nope. Just a hard grunt, and then you patted our head like we were a good little dog. Bit anticlimactic, really.”

“Good.” Oswald patted Harvey’s head like he was a good little dog. Harvey shifted to put his head back down on Oswald’s ample chest.

“So let’s get back to my previous question,” he said, with that asshole lawyerly persistence that had driven Oswald into rages in their younger years. “What are you getting out of this if you’re not into it?”

“I never said I wasn’t ‘into it’. I said you didn’t need to return any favors.”

“You know we’d be fine without it. We got hands. Could even hire a hooker if we got desperate.”

“I want what I want, if I had a problem with it you’d be sleeping on the couch.”

Oswald extracted himself from Harvey’s arms to sullenly stab the cigarette into the ashtray on his night table. The ashtray was sculpted to look like a bird’s nest, naturally, and naturally Harvey had mocked it when they’d first rolled into the room in a whirlwind of kisses and wandering hands. (It wasn’t a crime to be thematic, Mr. ‘Everything we own absolutely has to be bisected and our hiring practices are biased towards twins’.)

He lay back down. Harvey curled back around him again, huge and warm. The ridges across his torso made it easy to trace the lines of Harvey’s body in his mind, envisioning where colors shifted and curled across his skin.

“The…there’s this look on your face,” Oswald mumbled. “Faces, whatever. You look like you’re dying of thirst and I’m the only person who can give you a drink, like I’m the most important thing in existence at that moment. You’re desperate for what I can give you, and you say my name like it’s an incantation to a god, and once you’ve finished you look like I’ve given you a glimpse of heaven. Even if I don’t particularly understand it, I can appreciate it, and it’s…not a look I get very often. And on you, I like it even more.” He sighed. “There, all right? I’m greedy, so sue me. You’d probably win anyway.”

Harvey rose up like a roused tiger, pressing his good hand to Oswald’s cheek. Yes, there was the look Oswald was talking about, though more sedate. That was an adoration that didn’t come out of idiocy, fear, or toadying. “We’re disbarred anyway. We’d lose by default.” His thumb ran across Oswald’s cheek.

Oswald smiled. “So let’s avoid the matter entirely and settle this out of court. It’ll be cheaper.”

“Settle it like men—by which we mean with our dicks.”

“Your dick, at least.”

Oswald rolled over to curl with his back to his partner. His soft, flat-palmed hand intertwined with Dent’s broad one. Maybe he could forgo the nightclothes and send the rest of the suit to the drycleaners in the morning; he’d completely lost the urge to do anything that involved getting out of bed.

“I can give you that look when I’ve dressed, too,” said a voice in his ear. So kind, when Harvey allowed himself to be. A coin’s toss away from mercy for far too many people who deserved far less. Oswald sometimes counted himself as one of them. “If you don’t want this.”

“I want what I want, Harvey. As long as we’re not in the middle of a meeting with Maroni you can give me that look as often as it pleases you.”

Harvey’s bisected lips pressed to the back of Oswald’s neck. Two kisses for the price of one, no coin flip needed. Oswald leaned back onto his muscular chest, a soft grin sweeping across his face.. “Just don’t make a mess on my good pants again.”


End file.
